Joy, burnout and leaving: Q&A with James and Ruth Neve
Joy, burnout and leaving:
Q&A with James and Ruth Neve
They’ve said goodbye to family and friends, and are on their way to India. James and Ruth tell us about how that feels.
The Neves are almost at the Heathrow check-in desk. It’s taken months of preparation to get this far. James has left his job as a debt advisor and Ruth has left her role as a senior Baptist minister in Southampton. It will be 42 degrees Celsius when they arrive in New Delhi, their new home. They’re ready for it, and their Hindi is coming along nicely. Life as long-term BMS World Mission workers is about to move up a gear.
LET’S START WITH SOME BACKGROUND – WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE MUSIC ARTIST AND SONG?
Ruth: Well, the other day in chapel I played Celebration by Kool & the Gang.
James: I like Coldplay – am I allowed to say that? I do, there, I said it out loud.
Ruth: But which song? They did Paradise.
James: Yeah, Paradise, that’ll do.
SO, HOW DID YOU END UP AS BMS WORKERS?
James: We had a chat many years ago with [former BMS General Director] David Kerrigan about the possibility we might offer ourselves to BMS one day. The honing in on India happened about this time last year as we began to explore the possibility of whether BMS could make use of people like us.
Ruth: Because we had our children young, we thought we would still have some life in us towards the end of our working careers. It was a sense of: would we, as people in our 50s, have something to offer? This experience in India will certainly broaden our horizons, and we may be better grandparents as a result.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’LL BE DOING IN DELHI?
Ruth: No. We’ve been given as much carte blanche as possible to learn about the people and discern where God is already working and where his heart is beating.
And BMS has given us tremendous affirmation to do that discerning process, and come back and say, “this is where we think we should invest our time and energy”, and hopefully leave a legacy.
Joy will be extinguished if you just keep working. God doesn’t want us to live like that.
JAMES, YOU WENT TO DELHI WITH BMS IN 2007 – WHAT DID YOU DO?
James: I went as part of an Insight team. We worked with an existing partner, looking at women’s empowerment and children’s education in a slum area. There was a team of seven or eight of us, and it was a sample of, ‘this is what BMS is about’.
HOW DID YOUR FAMILY REACT WHEN YOU TOLD THEM YOU WERE MOVING TO INDIA?
Ruth: Naturally, there’s been a mixed response of sadness and support due to the separation.
JAMES, HOW WILL YOUR EXPERTISE IN DEBT ADVICE TRANSLATE TO INDIA?
James: Personal debt is becoming an increasingly worrisome issue in India’s burgeoning middle class. If, for example, a debt and benefit advice service is planted within these next three or four years and is sustainable, then great, but it could take another form.
WHAT IS GOD’S HEART FOR THE POOR AND THOSE IN DEBT?
James: God is concerned about those burdened by debt and has made specific provision for relief of debt. Given his consistency of character, that should be the case in India.
RUTH, YOU’VE WRITTEN OPENLY ABOUT EXPERIENCING BURNOUT. HOW DESTRUCTIVE IS BURNOUT, AND HOW CAN IT BE AVOIDED?
Ruth: Many ministers are in burnout because a lot of them are workaholics. You lose your joy if you keep being that way, because what often gets squeezed is your time with God. The pressure of Sunday will take over, and unless you are very intentional you’ll stop hearing God.
My advice is for people to be careful because your soul is at stake. We need to sleep and have rest patterns, and have the Sabbath. Joy will be extinguished if you just keep working. God doesn’t want us to live like that. It’s not how Jesus lived. If you are stretched to elastic point, you will snap, and it’s not pretty, and often the church is a victim of it.
These past months have served as valuable preparation for the future, reflecting and drawing breath, and just being able to make a new start.
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HOW HAVE YOUR FOUND STUDYING AGAIN IN PREPARATION FOR OVERSEAS MISSION?
James: These past months have served as valuable preparation for the future, reflecting and drawing breath, and just being able to make a new start.
WHAT WILL MAKE YOU SAD WHEN YOU’RE AWAY?
James: Distance from family and friends.
Ruth: Notable occasions, such as when our grandson does something specific and we can’t share in it.
WHAT WILL BRING YOU JOY?
Ruth: The joy will be in sharing our lives with some lovely, generous people in India.
James: I think I’ll get great joy from going to a Twenty20 game in the IPL.
Ruth: Me not so much.
(For any non-cricket fans, the IPL is one of the most prestigious cricket competitions in the world.)
FINALLY, WHAT CAN PEOPLE BE PRAYING FOR?
Ruth: Please pray for the practical stuff of life to be taken care of. We want to go to India without having to think about things such as finding a tenant for our house.
James: Please pray for our language learning and finding a community. And pray for what will become the work that we invest ourselves in, and that makes a difference.
Could you be called to mission overseas? There are many ways to serve God with BMS, so keep praying and explore our mission opportunities today.