Is it ethical for a Christian girl to have more than 2 boyfriends?

marriage

You are probably thinking that the question above is a stupid question with only one answer, but this was a question asked by a young person who live in a culture where it is common particularly for.a man to have more than 1 wife and family. This happens outside the Church as well as sometimes with people in the Church. So this young person has a valid reason to be asking this question, which was one of many questions that young people in our Church wrote down for me, Liz, to use in a Bible Study that I will do on Sunday about dating.

Over the last week I have been reflecting on this Bible Study and I was asked to go with a lady from the Church to visit another lady who is struggling in her marriage, so that we could go and pray and encourage her.

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As we approached the house made of a mosaic of pieces of rock, we saw the children playing outside, one with very holey trousers eating cold rice out of a saucepan. The lady was sweeping the floor and got some chairs out for us to sit on. The house was very small with little furniture and I later found out it is her in-laws house and she is living there because they didn’t have the money to pay rent at the house they were living and it also got flooded during the rainy season. The lady who we will name Eloisa started asking for prayer for her family, and then began to open up about her situation. She explained how her husband had been working out of town for a while and as time has gone on, he has been spending less time at home and their Conversations on the phone had become distant. Then one day last year, Eloisa’s husband had said that he was working out of town, but when she was walking with her son one day near to her house, her son noticed his dad on his motorbike. Eloisa thought it was strange but for a while she had thought something was up. So she got someone on a bike to follow her husband and see where he was going. He stopped at a house and got out grocery shopping and took it in the house where there lived another woman and her children. It didn’t take Eloisa long to know what was going on, and she knew this had been going on since 2016 but had no proof. Eloisa found out that her husband was buying lots of food for a birthday party for the other woman’s daughter when she was struggling to feed his own three children and he wasn’t spending time with his children! Other events occurred, including the husband trying to blame Eloisa for the break up of the marriage because she was going off with other men, and the husband said he wanted a divorce from Eloisa.

If that happened to you then you would probably want a divorce anyway, without hesitation. But what if you lived in your in-laws house and had nowhere else to go and you depended on money from your husband to live? While we were there the youngest child who is 2 was crying lying on the floor, probably hungry. There is no child benefit, council housing, etc. So even though Eloisa’s husband has treated her this way, she still needs to maintain a relationship with him in order to survive. It is not normal for people here to cry but Eloisa couldn’t help but burst into tears. We are praying that after some men from the Church speak with Eloisa’s husband there could be some sort of reconciliation, but we leave that in God’s hands.

It’s very difficult to do these visits knowing that your own life is so much easier than their lives when trying to give them advice and support. So many husbands have girlfriends or Second and third families. Even the husband of the lady who went on the visit with me has lived with a number of women in the area, but has now come back to her as it didn’t work out with the last one. What can she do? He is her family, the father to her children and she depends on him to support her.

At the end of our chat, we encouraged Eloisa to be strong, to treat her husband with kindness when/if he visits, and that it is only God that can change a person. We need to do our part and focus on own attitudes and how to deal with situations and pray for others.

When I left the house, I thought about how people cope when they go through such difficult situations, when they lose all hope, when it all crumbles around them. God gives hope to these people, to the hopeless. When they have nothing else in this world, we can only remind them that God never leaves them and they can trust and hope in Him…..

” having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might.” (Ephesians 1:18-19)

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